In June, Josselin attended a mourning session for his son at the shrine Notre-Dame de Montligeon. He lost his son Armand aged five months after a difficult fight against a heart defect at birth. From then on, how the mourning of a child be overcome? In Montligeon, Josselin discovered a place where he could express his anger and strenghthen his hope. This is the testimony of his shattered – though unrelenting – journey.
A few weeks ago, Josselin lost his five-month-old son Armand. From the second ultrasound scan, the doctors made a serious diagnosis: the baby had a heart defect. “It involved open-heart surgery. So we decided to fight to the bitter end.” Armand fought on for five months. He went through several complications, including a stroke. A week before a final operation, his heart stopped.
Josselin makes no secret of his anger. “We prayed for five months. We did our duty as good Christians. We believed in miracles. I wonder what all those prayers were for.” Yet this lack of understanding does not distance him from his faith. But it does create a crack in his relationship with God. His anger does not want to give up. Since then, Josselin has been feeling forsaken and left alone with his doubts.
A mourning session, a synonym for hope
Josselin found a place to express this inner tension at Montligeon, during the mourning session in June. He also rediscovered Christian hope. “What we learn here doesn’t suppress the pain but it does help us to better cope with grief.” He quotes the words of a doctor that have remained engraved in his mind: “What you have to experience is the encounter.” These words helped him to regard the five months of his son’s life not as an unfinished wait, but as an accomplished gift.
Indeed, “we tend to follow patterns in life. However, the encounter was already a great experience. You have to get to know your child, to look at him, to learn who he is.” For Josselin, the measure of life is not how long it is, but how much presence you get to live. This certainty helps him to celebrate his son’s memory, without reducing his life to its brevity. He sums up what he experienced with him in simple terms: “Meeting Armand was already a wonderful thing.”
“We shall meet again“
But his faith doesn’t suppress the tears or the emptiness. On the other hand, it allows us, little by little, to name a presence. “I’ve always believed in heaven. It’s the basis of our faith. I know that Armand is with the Virgin Mary and Christ. He was baptized on the very day of his birth, since his life expectancy was so uncertain. Today, Josselin sees this sacrament as a sign of peace.
Through the teachings of the mourning session, Josselin discovered the depth of the communion of saints. “We learn to pray for our deceased, to talk to them and build a relationship.” Yet, as we were listening to him, we felt that his progress was still uncertain. “I wish I could feel his presence more acutely. But I am sure we shall meet again.”
A little light in the darkness
One image particularly struck him during those three days. A priest represented earthly life as a very short instant, and eternal life as infinity. “I realized then that we were made for eternity, not for this passing life. Even if this shift in perspective doesn’t remove the lack, it reframes it in a broader story.
“The loss of a child create a great emptiness. A darkness. So the Christian faith is a little light in that darkness. It doesn’t make up for everything, but it helps us to stay on our feet. Hope is not a magic formula. Nevertheless, it offers support, direction and the promise of eternal life.
A mourning session to avoid isolation
This is the first time Josselin has taken part in a mourning session. Prior to this retreat, preparating for the funeral Mass had already opened up a path.
“The priest helped us to find a meaning: Why did Armand come into this world? How can we live with him after his death? In Montligeon, his journey continues.
But Josselin doesn’t want to walk the path alone. “I think we’ll come back as a family when our daughters are a little older. We came here for them too, to find the words. So if those words can help, then we will definitely come back.”
Are you mourning the loss of a child? Like Josselin, come and find a place where you will be listened to, sharing prayer and hope at the Shrine Notre-Dame de Montligeon.
