“Arnaud held my hand tight in his – and next he had gone. To me, his farewell felt like he’d said ‘I love you.’ That day of June 25, 2023 will remain etched in Brigitte’s memory forever. This was when her son Arnaud, aged 52, who had been severely handicapped, entered eternal life. Brigitte shares her emotion as she remembers her journey in mourning and how she found support in faith and in hope in eternal life.
The toll of disability alleviated by a loving family
Brigitte’s son Arnaud was suffering from both cerebral palsy and blindness. He could only see shadows. He could not talk with words but he would communicate with facial expressions. “He would always find ways to be understood”, she recalls.
Since 2017, she had claimed her retirement pension to be able to look after him full time. “For six years and a half, I used to live with him day and night. I would sometimes get up several times in the night to watch over him. His well-being was everything that mattered.” The intensity of this close proximity made Arnaud’s absence devastating. “When he left, it felt as if a part of me had died with him.”
“Arnaud has always shown incredible resilience in the face of suffering. Despite his disability, he never complained. He was patient and tolerant. Sometimes, if we were late for a meal or an activity, he would welcome everything with a smile. I learnt an awful lot from the way he would accept difficulties and never express any rebellion. This often reminds me how we may fuss over trifles, whereas Arnaud was able to face so many things calmly and gracefully.”
One day, as Brigitte was at an appointment for an X-Ray for Arnaud, she realized that his condition had deteriorated to such an extent that he was unable to go home. She went with him to the emergency room. He never got out of hospital.
Getting ready for parting
Arnaud had been in hospital for a month and was hardly showing emotions anymore. However, on the day he passed away, his close family were surprised to see some troubling signs: “When we recited the Lord’s Prayer with the priest, I noticed a tear running on Arnaud’s cheeks, one on each side. Emeline and I were convinced that he knew he would pass away. It was as if he was already between the earth and the sky.”
As Brigitte and her daughter were each holding Arnaud’s hands, they felt a pressure right down the tip of their fingers. “He gripped our hands very hard. And then he passed away. We felt this was a last farewell, as if he meant “Goodbye, I love you.” My daughter, who is very brave, said to me: “Mum, it’s over.”
The pain of parting
Brigitte was breathless and devastated and she kept repeating: “That’s not possible, that’s not possible…” She was unable to realize that her son was dead, and even less to accept it. “My body totally failed me. I could not walk or breath properly. I felt drained, both physically and emotionally. Just as if his death had come across my whole being.”
She went through each of the phases of mourning, shouting aloud in her house to express her despair more than her anger. “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Just like Jesus on the cross, and she would repeat those sentences over and over. Her rebellion, her pain would burst out. “And also, Lord, why do you do miracles whereas for us there was none?” “Later, as I kept talking about it, I eventually said to myself that he had been saved three times.” Was is the beginning of a kind of acceptance?
Later, her daughter, who was very close to her during her ordeal, told her that one day when she was alone with her brother she whispered to him: “Arnaud, you can go if you like.”
Hope in the midst of Mass
Brigitte experienced the funeral ceremony as a moment of consolation. In his homily, Father Patrice, who had visited Arnaud several times in hospital, had perfectly captured the richness of the man beyond his handicap. The priest turned his condition of suffering into peace by explaining that disability does not go to heaven.
“His handicap left at once, because you don’t take this up there”, said Brigitte to summarize. And she went on to say: “Besides, in his homily the priest said that Arnaud had a ‘ticket’ to go straight to heaven. Now he is free and happy near God.” During that mass, Brigitte and her daughter also read some texts to honor Arnaud.
“We wanted to mention all the things he had brought to us. He was a source of love and joy.”
The strength of prayer
Prayer has become an anchor for Brigitte through the ordeal of grief. “I pray everyday for Arnaud and for those who suffer. I feel a deep communion with him and Christ.” She attended a session to comfort those in mourning and found consolation thanks to Sister Cécile’s active listening and the small group of four people who took part with her.
She gets quite emotional when she remembers how she remained prostrated for hours before the tall statue of the Holy Mary. “During a mass, I felt a sudden wave of lightness come through me, as if the weight had been taken off my chest. It was a moment of intense peace, a sign I’ll never forget. I even cried during the Eucharist whilst at the same time getting a feeling of great peace. Arnaud was present.”
A path of hope
“After a while, I thought I might be a little selfish after all, because he is happy up there, he is near God and near saint Theresa, whom he loved so much. There is a whole host of saints at his side in heaven, watching over us. We can pray and ask him a lot of things now!” Despite his absence, Brigitte’s faith remains strong.
She has a strong message of encouragement for those who go through a similar ordeal: “You must cling to prayer, even in despair. Ask God to carry you, like a child who cannot walk. There is alway a light, even in the darkest night.”
Brigitte’s testimony is a beacon of hope for all those going through bereavement. In her journey, she has found peace thanks to the faith and love of her son. Montligeon remains a place of comfort for her, a place where she continues to pray for Arnaud and for all the deceased. “That’s what hope is: knowing that one day we’ll meet again, and Christ will be with us.”
