“My wife was hospitalized in July 2024 for a violent toothache. Eventually, the doctor’s diagnosis was a throat cancer. We got married three days before her death. I love her more than ever.” Having experienced this drastic upheaval, Cyril shares how he went through bereavement.
Mourning sessions
Cyril Loret lives near Paris. A native from the island of La Réunion, this is the first time he has taken part in a mourning session at the Notre-Dame de Montligeon shrine. He came there affected by two recent bereavements, including the death of his wife.
Cyril initiated this initiative almost by chance, through online research. “As I was trying how to overcome grief, I came across some videos of the shrine and felt like coming.“
He did not really know what to expect. However what he found by far exceeded his expectations. “I found a lot of comfort. We are a group and we all are all on the same boat and here, we encounter a real family. We are able to open our heart with no fear of being judged. And most of all, we understand each others.“
In the first few hours, modesty is the general attitude. “Yes, that’s true, in the beginning, people try to evaluate each other a little. But on the second day, we start talking to each other and really share our experiences.” He feels that link deeply and as a result, accepted to tell his story.
My wife died
“My wife died on September 28, 2024.“ When Cyril mentions this date, silence sets in. Just a few weeks earlier, he believed his wife was suffering from a mere toothache.
““ took her to hospital. But one thing led to another and the tests revealed throat cancer.”
The shock was devastating. A lung infection complicated the treatment, preventing any immediate treatment of the cancer. Then came the verdict: “The lungs have improved, but the cancer is too far advanced.” There was nothing more they could do. She was doomed.
Faced with this inevitable outcome, Cyril chose to stay at her side to the end. They had been living together for seventeen years and were unmarried. “Before she departed, I offered her the sacrament of marriage. We were married on September 25. She died three days later.“
He realizes what this gesture represents, beyond the suffering. “It was the greatest proof of love I could offer her under the circumstances.“ Getting married had been their idea all along. “We’d wanted to get married for several years, but because of my father’s death and his health concerns, we’d always put it off.“ At the hospital, when the inevitable was announced, Cyril contacted the chaplaincy. Although the preparation for the wedding was hurried up, there was no doubt about it for either of them. “It was a choice we wanted to make. A gift I wanted to give her before she departed.“
Loyalty beyond death
Since that day, Cyril has lived in absence. And yet, he speaks with a strong conviction. “I still feel united to her. In life, in death.“ He often ponders this quote: What God has joined together, let no man put asunder. For him, this bond of unity transcends death itself. “God unites us on earth, and he unites us in heaven. I made her this promise: to remain faithful until eternity.“
The very word “widower” is not one he could ever use. “The idea of widow or widower doesn’t really matter. As far as I’m concerned, we are married and always will be.“ His faith provides him a compass, a thread of trust in the chaos of missing her. “I know we still have so much love to share. So, in coming here, I’m also looking for ways to love differently.“
Prayer is becoming a new language, a bridge between the living and the dead. “There are other ways of showing your love for someone. And prayer is surely the most beautiful one. It brings us closer to God, and therefore to those who have gone.“
What God has joined together, let not man put asunder
Despite his suffering, Cyril chose to celebrate the love that united them. “As far as I am concerned, it was the most beautiful proof of love I could offer her under the circumstances.“ Although he was shocked by the abruptness of events, he retains one certainty: “What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.“
Repeated like a prayer, this sentence expresses the deep fidelity he continues to live by. “I consider we are married for eternity. The concept of widowhood doesn’t really matter.“ And he adds, without hesitation, “I will always remain faithful to her.“
At Montligeon, talking does one good
Cyril discovered the Montligeon shrine while doing some research on the Internet. “I came across some videos. Watching them made me want to come.”
During the mourning session, he found a listening ear which you rarely get elsewhere. “Here, you can talk openly without being judged. Everyone understands each other, because we’re all going through the same ordeal.“ From the second day onwards, the barriers came down: “We form a real group, a real family.“
The prayer vigil is a particular highlight for him: “We’re asked to write a word of thanks or to express forgiveness to the deceased. It’s a very powerful moment. All the emotion comes back.“ Cyril regards this shared time as essential: “Talking does one good. At Montligeon, we can speak up your mind freely.“
Loving the one I’ve lost differently
Despite the pain, Cyril is not devastated. “It is hard, I’m not going to hide it from you. I miss her every day. But I focus on the positive sides.“
He feels a new love growing inside him, nourished by prayer: “I’m looking for another way to love the woman I’ve lost. And the most beautiful way he found is prayer.“
“My wife wouldn’t have wanted me to give in. She wouldn’t have wanted to see me go under. So I try to look at the positive sides, even if there are times of loneliness. At Montligeon I found a lot of peace. Luckily, we have faith. Without faith, you’re nothing.“
This faith keeps him going, one step at a time. It has a soothing effect. “It lifts your spirits. And it spurs you on.“
Montligeon plays a key role in this process. “I’m going home with peace of mind. I feel like coming back.“ And he ends his story a plea: “To those who are grieving, don’t hesitate to come. Even if you’re in doubt, everyone here is a good listener. It is a real support.“
Are you going through a bereavement?
Like Cyril, you can sign up for a mourning session at the Notre-Dame de Montligeon shrine. You’ll be listened to, and you will find prayer and brotherly support.
