When we have lost a loved one, we often wonder where they are now, what they became. Where are our deceased? Are they happy where they are? RCF asked this question to don Thomas Lapenne for their program Sanctuaire Normands.
Where are our deceased?
Above all they are in our hearts since we think of them and still love them. That’s how they are present with us. The mourning process will be about letting them go and tell them: “I am not holding you back. Go on, follow the path of your life.”
Our departed loved ones are alive although in a different way. “Life is not destroyed, it is changed”, says the liturgy. They are present in God’s heart. Indeed, God thinks of each of us, of all His creatures. Our deceased are loved, they are not forgotten or forsaken by God, and they are part of the Communion of Saints.
In what sort of place are they?
Heaven, purgatory or hell are no physical places with a location on a geographical map; they are rather life states or presence modes. The deceased are present to God. They have stepped through the door of death, their life on earth has stopped but they are still on the path of eternal life.
After death, they will meet their guardian angel, their patron saint, the Blessed Mother, saint Joseph, Christ and the Father who created them and loves them.
Are they happy where they are?
A mother who has lost her child still worries about him or her: “Is (s)he happy in Heaven? What if (s)he were alone, with no one to look after her/him?” We may have similar concerns about aged parents. These are legitimate questions for, even if we know they are on their way to the Father, we care as humans.
There is something tragic about bereavement. However, what we may hope for our deceased – and what we should request for them – is that they be happy, meaning, that they reach the purpose for which they were created – be with God. Their Father in Heaven greets them and gives them a lot more than what we are able to give them.
As far as we are concerned, we can give them love, loving kindness, forgive them and be thankful to them. Whereas God will give them everything. We may understand through faith that, whilst our loved ones are no longer with us, they have found their ‘homeland’. They have entered eternal life.
How can we know whether they are in hell, purgatory or heaven?
Trying to find out where our deceased are serves no purpose. It will always be a mystery, in the same way as someone’s heart remains a mystery for those who love that person. That secret part amounts to their free decision.
One sure thing though is that they are not abandoned or forsaken by God. As they are under God’s gaze, they are invited to enter the life of God, into His intimacy. This is a certainty.
One thing we may hope for them is that they be in the right state of life. We cannot choose on their behalf but we can pray that they get enlightened and helped in their choice. We can request that they be established in a state of joy, peace and life with God.
Our part is rather to love them, show us our friendship, help them through our prayers, our sacrifices, by offering a mass or offering an indulgence and so on. Let’s be hopeful for them and trust that we will be reunited with them one day.
Can the deceased let us know where they are?
Why not? By allowing us to get a few heartening signs that bring us some joy God, in His mercy, may want to comfort us, encouraging us to grow in trust and hope. When our soul is cold after losing someone we loved, a little sunbeam may warm us up. As if it said: “Don’t be afraid, trust God! I am well where I am because I am in God’s arms and there is no better place. I am waiting for you and preparing a place for you.”
However, those signs or hints are very personal and won’t be interpreted or understood the same way by those outside the relationship. What matters most is to continue to think of our deceased in serenity and peace. We can say: “I know that someone is looking after them. I know that God is concerned by their eternal salvation.”
Do wandering souls exist?
Once they have left their bodies, the souls of the dead are established in a certain state. Either a state of beatitude, which is Heaven. Or in a state of purification in God’s infirmary, which is purgatory. Or a state of self-exclusion, self-closure or everlasting sulking which is called hell. As they are established in their state of life, they are set in their destiny and will not wander seeking for a place: they cannot come back to bother the humans.
