It’s possible to get through an ordeal. But what can you do when it takes hold: a long-term illness, bereavement, disability, a family rift? Interviewed for RCF Sanctuaires normands, Father Charles Lenoir, who has himself experienced burn-out, gives us 4 keys to overcoming the ordeal that lasts.
1st key: believe that the Lord is there
In any ordeal, and even more so when it lasts, we always need to look for someone to blame. In psychology, there’s a clearly identified moment in the grieving process: revolt. It’s normal, because it’s human to rebel against fate and hardship. But then you have to make sense of them. And that’s where faith comes in: “I want to believe that the Lord is there and that he knows what suffering is.” Indeed, he died on the cross, in horrible suffering, abandoned by all. He knows what it is, but he’s resurrected three days later. So he shows us that every trial we go through with him leads to resurrection, i.e. a path to life.
2nd key to overcoming the ordeal: letting go
The problem is letting go, and that’s the hardest part because it’s not part of our project. When we let go, we realize that the Lord is there in one way or another, often unpredictably. But it’s there.
It’s difficult because we no longer recognize ourselves, suffering has changed us and we no longer have a point of support. We’d like to know where our good is, to control it, but we have to let the Lord do it, and believe. No one can force us to do so. It’s our personal decision, our freedom to believe that the Lord will be there and do something.
And it does, provided there’s faith. This has nothing to do with the Coué method. Convincing yourself that things will get better is a monologue, whereas the act of faith is a dialogue with someone else. Believing that God loves me is a personal decision. The act of trust involves dialogue.
It can feel like God is absent, there are moments of darkness, but I’ve noticed that it doesn’t last that long. By accompanying people who were going through overwhelming trials, I saw that an inner strength enabled them to hold on. Of course, the devil would have us believe that what we’re going through doesn’t make sense and that we’ll never make it. But God is there, at the heart of the trial, helping us. In the midst of trial, He comes to those who are poor, the little ones, the weak, those who are crushed by suffering, from the moment we let Him and accept that we no longer control our destiny. Then paths open up.
3rd key: let the Lord do what he wants, like a child
When you’re going through an ordeal, especially an illness, you often get discouraged because you can’t get better. I had the experience of a burn-out and it was quite painful. Indeed, I had built up a personality of a hard worker, always ready to help. But when you’re on the side of the road, you have no strength left. After a year, I thought I was going to leave again, but it lasted quite a long time.
And in the end, I realized that if this ordeal had been shorter, I wouldn’t have changed. I’ve learned to let the Lord do it for me, to be His child, to stop doing things on my own, and I thank Him. Burn-out taught me the meaning of my life, which is to be a child of God. He looks after me.
Here’s an example that will speak to all moms. When you had your first child, and then all the others, remember the time you spent looking at him in his cradle. He did nothing, he slept. And yet, it filled you up. This is how the Lord works with us: he is fulfilled by the fact that we exist.
4th key to overcoming trials: looking to Jesus
Look at Jesus on the cross. He knows what suffering is, and he has made it a passage to the resurrection. If you suffer with Christ, he will make something of your suffering. How? We can’t know in advance. I like this line from Paul Claudel:
“God did not come to explain suffering. He came to inhabit it with his presence.”
To help someone in need, entrust them to the prayers of the Montligeon Fraternity!
How can you help someone overcome their ordeal?
I think the first thing to do is to listen to him and keep quiet. Above all, don’t tell him to do this or that. Taking burn-out as an example, there’s nothing worse than people who know nothing about it telling you to shake things up, to make an effort when you’re incapable of doing so. Indeed, the spring of the will is broken. So the first thing to do is to listen to the person and give them the opportunity to express their suffering. And I’ve often found that the simple fact of being able to tell your suffering to someone who doesn’t judge, who doesn’t give you a solution, feels good and soothes.
One day, I went to a hospital to visit someone I knew well. When I went into her room, I saw that she was very tired and offered to come back when she was feeling better. She replied: “No, stay! Your presence does me good.” So I sat up from the bed. We didn’t say anything to each other, but I stayed.
Program produced for RCF Sanctuaires normands. Available every Tuesday on RCF at 7.15pm.
