Praying for our departed loved ones is an old, almost instinctive act, and yet one that is often questioned. What does this prayer still mean today? What is its purpose? How can we practice it when the absence becomes overwhelming? In *Les Contemplations*, Victor Hugo wrote: “Those we love and who have left us are no longer where they were, but they are in every place where we are.” These words capture a truth: the relationship does not end with death. However, for many, praying for the deceased remains unclear, sometimes fraught with guilt or misunderstandings. Should we pray often? How should we pray? And above all, why pray for those who have already passed to the other side?
Why pray for our deceased loved ones if they are in God’s hands?
Our departed loved ones are indeed in God’s hands. Such is our Christian hope. At the moment of their death—which is the separation of the soul from the body—they experienced this vision of God, which remains a great mystery to us who are still on earth, and of which our knowledge remains partial, as St. Paul reminds us.
Our departed loved ones have made a choice: choosing God or rejecting Him. If they have chosen God, they are now in His hands—either directly in Heaven or in a waiting place, undergoing a period of purification of their souls. Our departed loved ones need our prayers when they are in that particular situation.
“In purgatory, the soul can no longer do anything for itself.”
This is easy to understand. Sanctification is obtained though love, through charity. Yet our love is also materialized through deeds. After death, the soul is separated from the body and can no longer perform meritorious actions for itself.
Therefore, as we are on earth we can perform these meritorious acts through our charity and love and offer them as gifts for our departed loved ones. This gift, combined with the prayers of many others who also pray for the departed, helps them progress toward that light, purify themselves, and enter Heaven.
What gifts can be offered to our deceased loved ones?
These gifts are the love we can offer them. They always come through God’s heart, whether they be prayer, the offering of our prayers, our more tangible acts of love, our sufferings, our sorrows, or our joys.
So there are many ways to pray for our deceased loved ones. We can recite familiar prayers, such as the rosary and pray one decade –or five–, or even a full rosary with the 15 mysteries—why not?
We can also say other prayers, because prayer is not just a formula. It is a relationship with God. A relationship doesn’t necessarily have to follow a set formula. We can also be spontaneous with God. Thus, we can entrust the souls of our deceased loved ones to God or to Mary, expressing our desire that they go to Heaven.
This spontaneous prayer also allows us to intercede on their behalf. Perhaps we are sometimes a little concerned about the salvation of our departed loved ones, because they lived far from the faith or because certain aspects of their conduct were questionable. In such cases as well, prayer is an act of charity.
It is not our job to judge. We must not presume to take God’s place and say that our deceased loved one is in Heaven, purgatory, or hell. But we can feel some concern –that’s healthy.
Father Buguet, the founder of the Montligeon work, said that he felt tormented by the fate of souls. Such torment can be driven by charity. We shouldn’t therefore be driven by fear, as it is useless, but by love still seeking to help.
Mass, the ultimate prayer for the dead
Father Buguet, here in Montligeon, has given Mass the central place of the shrine’s message. The Eucharist celebrated for the deceased holds a special place, because it is the memorial of Christ’s sacrifice on the Cross. During Mass, this sacrifice is made present and applied for a specific intention, which may be that of our deceased loved ones.
“The prayer of prayers is the Mass.”
The Eucharist is therefore, in a way, the most powerful means of helping our brothers and sisters in purgatory. We can offer a Mass for the deceased, but we can also offer a novena of Masses or what is known as a Gregorian Tridentine. This practice is very ancient in the Church and dates back to Pope Saint Gregory.
In addition, with the Jubilee Year in 2025, indulgences were discussed on many occasions. We can ask God for an indulgence for our deceased loved ones. To do so, we must go to a Jubilee site or a place where we can receive a plenary indulgence.
An indulgence is a remission granted under certain conditions, which must also be lived out in charity. Among these conditions is the rejection of evil and sin in our lives. This means that we commit ourselves to a path of conversion. There is also prayer for the Holy Father’s intentions, the recitation of the “I Believe in God,” and the other conditions required by the Church.
All of these conditions are expressions of our charity, our love, our effort, and our participation. We stand alongside Christ in our commitment to the salvation of a soul.
Turning everyday life into prayer and an offering
In addition to Mass, novenas, trentenaries, and indulgences, you have all the very concrete works of charity—both corporal and spiritual. Beside the works of mercy we also have our daily lives. Everything we do can be transformed into prayer—even our most insignificant actions, our joys as well as our sorrows.
We can choose to offer moments of our lives in union with Christ, who in turn offers himself during Mass for the souls entrusted to Him. In this way, anything can become a prayer, an act of love, and an offering for souls, in order to contribute to their salvation.
“Everything can become a material for prayer and an act of love and sacrifice for these souls.”
Of course, the one who saves is Jesus. Yet we unite our offerings with Christ’s offering. Everything passes through the heart of Jesus. The works of mercy are simply tangible acts of love. They are part of the teaching of the Catholic Church. There are fourteen of them, divided into corporal works of mercy and spiritual works of mercy. They were highlighted in particular during the Jubilee Year of Mercy proclaimed by Pope Francis.
Examples of corporal works of mercy include feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, visiting the sick, and burying the dead. Examples of spiritual works of mercy include acts of spiritual charity, such as bearing boring people, teaching the ignorant, giving advice, or taking the time to listen to someone.
In our lives, we can therefore offer help in very material, concrete, and physical ways, but also in more spiritual ways. Taking the time to listen to someone is already an act of charity.
Charity purifies and brings us into the communion of saints
Behind all this, we must remember that purification is obtained chiefly through charity. St. Theresa of Lisieux quoted this verse from the Book of Proverbs: “Love covers a multitude of sins.” She had come to understand this for herself. She never missed even the smallest opportunity to put her charity into action.
She would say, for example, that whenever she would pick up a pin, or do a walk, she did it on behalf of a missionary. That is what living out the communion of saints means. Everything we do can contribute to and enrich this treasure of the communion of saints and have an impact on another soul, whether that soul is still living on earth or is living in the afterlife.
This principle is essential to understanding prayer for the deceased. We are not singled out from the others. The charity we practice here on earth can be offered on behalf of others. It can bear fruit beyond what we can see.
Thus, prayer for the deceased is not limited to a ritual performed at certain times. It can be a centerpiece of our entire lives. It becomes a way to continue loving those who have left us, without claiming to know exactly where they are, without taking over from God but by entrusting everything to His mercy.
Can people who are not religious pray for their deceased loved ones?
This question also applies to people who are estranged from the faith, who don’t necessarily go to Mass every Sunday, or even those who don’t believe. Praying for the deceased is relevant to them as well.
Every human being wonders about the afterlife, whether they are a practicing Catholic or not. Everyone, in one way or another, harbors this desire or this question. Some say: “After this, there is nothing.” But many also think: “That can’t be true—there must be something else after this.”
This quest reflects a desire to maintain a connection with those who have passed away. Prayer has also that purpose–maintaining a spiritual connection with the deceased.
Those among our listeners who feel estranged from the faith may ponder over the great hopefulness contained in all this: even beyond the rupture caused by death, it is still possible to continue helping others and continue showing our love by helping another person.
“Helping others remains possible beyond the rupture of death.”
And we can also know that our departed loved ones can help us. This point opens up another topic, but it reminds us that communion is not a one-way street. In the Christian faith, the bonds of love do not disappear with death. They are entrusted to God, purified by Him, and borne by the communion of saints.
